Miami Dolphins: Underporpoises

I think the AFC East might be up for grabs in '09. And I'm pulling for those slippery little fish mammals to get it.

I'm sure the New England Pooptriates are the consensus favorite and I get that. Their handsome, non-controversial, good at football, butt-chinned QB is coming back (for the record, I was very distraught when Brady's knee exploded in the first game last season. I don't wish injuries on anyone, especially those in which I have a vested fantasy football interest). I also get that the Patriots were really close to making the playoffs last year. And the Dolphins weren't so much good good as they were weird good. I understand all those arguments. Now let me present mine:

Dan Marino was great.

I raise an interesting point: Dan Marino. Chad Pennington is not as good as Dan Marino. But no one has a more Dan Marino-sized chip on their shoulder than Chad Pennington. I think Pennington lost, regained, then again lost the starting job every single day of his 8-year Jets career. He set a world record in getting shafted. So last year he signs with the fish and all of a sudden he's on a division-winning team. AND he beats the Jets in the final regular season game to get the Dolphins into the playoffs. Sweet, sweet ironic poetry that ousts the Patriots from the post-season.

Naturally, the Dolphins played grossly and we're sent packing in the first week of the playoffs. But they made it, and I have reason to think they can make it again. You'll have to continue waiting for the reason why I think that.

Here's why I think the Patriots will not win their division. Tom Brady is great and will surely have a better season than last year (7 for 11 with 76 yards), but he won't be as good as the year before (a million for a million with a passer rating of solid gold). Taking a year off is a weird thing for any professional athlete, especially a QB. It'll be a little more difficult for Brady to get on the same page as his receivers, it'll be nearly impossible for him to throw touchdown passes now that Mike Vrabel is gone, and it should not be overlooked that he's put so many hours into rehabbing his knee that he barely had the time to get another girl pregnant. Not to mention that Tom's hiatus came on the heels of the most spectacular regular season which preceded the most tremendous Super Bowl upset, so the expectations are a little wonky. And that's just Brady. I won't even get into the problems with the rest of the team (they don't have many). Meanwhile (here comes the reason!), the Dolphins are the exact same division-winning team from last season plus some very positive, while not glamorous, additions. They strengthened the O line, at no point did they take the starting job away from Pennington, and I haven't heard a single word about Ricky Williams smoking opium during the off-season. They also play in Miami and it's so tropical there. Just look at this guy's sunburn.

In the interest of full disclosure, I don't know what I'm talking about. I haven't even looked at the two teams' schedules for the '09 season. But sometimes you just have to go on a hunch. If you have a hunch that Ronnie Brown will be awesome again, Chad Pennington will play better than Chad Pennington, and Pat White will be a good version Kordell Stewart, then you are free to make that claim in your blog. If I end up being right, I'm a hero. If I'm wrong, this post gets deleted and you will have no proof. If you think this is a stupid article that's founded on uninformed BS, please make a comment. Then we'll all know that you're a front-runner and you have no place in Underdogland.

The last thing that I will say in defense of my Miami Dolphin argument is that they are due. They are due, not to win a Superbowl, but to maybe get two division titles in a row. And the Patriots, they are no longer due. They are done. They did it. Congrats to them. Now they can stop. Boo Patriots.