Underdogs are Tricky

Hey, reader. Singular. In reference to myself.

All season long, I've been gearing up for a great "49ers: Underdogs" post. I started thinking about it during the summer and I planted little seeds with the posts about their QB situation and the Crabtree ordeal. My plan was to have a couple close losses early, maybe pick up a cheap win against the Rams, and then lose the majority of the games and write bitter things every week.

But my plan got shelved. San Fran jumped out to a hot start, 3-1, with the only loss coming on a RIDICULOUS last-second play by Fart Bavre. My best laid Underdog schemes were... something about Mice and Men. And so for weeks 5-10 I lived in a delusional fog, believing that my team's losses were bad beats, that their win (only 1, just that one shitty win over the Bears) was proof they were back on track, and paying close mind to our record and Wild Card chances.

And then they lost to the Packers last week, the quarterback that could have been defeated the one that is, playoffs became all but impossible, and I finally woke up. Of course the 49ers are an underdog team! They're terrible! They have no clue what their doing or how any of their players are going to play week in and week out! What sort of idiot would think they might have a good season?

I've loved football since I knew how to love things. Every season since I was in grade school has been my favorite thing ever. By now, I should really be aware that there are always a few teams that start hot, get people talking, and then juice up the suck and play to their below-average potential. And I should have known that's what the 49ers were doing this year. Just like the Broncos and the Jets, they started off the season lying to us. They told us they could play football, and did some amateur tricks and we all fell for it. And when they pressed their luck and tried to further the charade, it all came crashing down. Welcome back to suck, 49ers, Jets and Broncos. Welcome back to your home. Hey, give the Texans a call, remind them it's their turn to do dishes. Oh, you already did, Broncos? Just in time for Kris Brown to miss that field goal last night? Great, thanks. Did you tell him how to spell his name? Oh, ok, we can just do that when the Texans get here later.

Sorry to bring you into this, Jets, Broncos and Texans fans. You guys are alright. My team is worse. I'm just trying to make up for the 10 weeks of "My Team is Worse than Yours" talk I missed out on. The 49ers are bad. They're worse than that bad. That one win during this tedious downhill slide? The opposing quarterback threw them the ball, he wasn't intercepted, the 9er D didn't make good plays, they were handed the ball 5 times, and they won 10-6. So. Effing. Bad.

From this point forward, I promise to acknowledge my teams suckage and give it it's due respect. For what is an Underdog Blog when it's writer thinks his team is better than other teams? It's an asshole blog, that's what it is.

49er QB Debate Like Selling Farts to a Flower

That title is nonsensical and good.


Recent 49er history in brief: 2002 they're ok, 2003 they're bad, 2004 they're almost the Detroit Lions, 2005 they draft Alex Smith. New era. 2005 they're bad, 2006 they're better, 2007 they're seen talking with the Lions at the water cooler, 2008 they turn things around after a 2-7 start and are a week 10 Frank Gore stumble away from making the playoffs. So it looks like Alex Smith is starting to take this team in the right direction. Hm? Oh, he sat out the entire '08 season? Oh, he's 11-19 in his 4-year career? I see, you're saying his career is shot and it's Mike Nolan's fault but nevermind that what's important is that he's done as a Niner? So then Shaun Hill, the guy who actually won those games last year, is starting this season? No? He and Alex Smith are battling for the job? But what about everything you just said, Captain WTF? You're just telling me what you know, got it. Ok.

The current 9er QB situation can best be compared to a poker player who won't fold. Because they drafted Alex Smith in '05 instead of Aaron Rogers like I KEPT TELLING THEM TO DO FROM MY LIVING ROOM, and then signed Smith to a contract equal to what the entire country of Nigeria was awarded from the Global Fund to fight the AIDS virus, it would be foolish and loser-like to just let another, cheaper, less depressing QB take the helm, right? No. Wrong. Bad poker. You lose all your money.

Now, in spite of everything written to this point, I don't hate Alex Smith. The guy has had it rough, and my biggest problem with him is just that I wanted to draft the other guy in '05. But I do want him to do well. My fantasy is that Smith wins the job and goes Kurt Warner '99 on the NFC West. I'm sure that's every 9er fan's dream. But if Smith starts, we go 1-5, then Hill takes over and finishes the season 7-9, I'll have no option but to do a ton of murdering. And the team's track record over the last 6 years makes it a little hard to trust a QB change right now. Let the guy lose first. If all the team has been doing for 6 seasons is losing, and a guy comes along and wins a little, why do you pull him?


So that Alex Smith can be Super Bowl MVP. That's why.


That's the fantasy talking. Here's the thing, and it's one of the big reasons, I think, that losers keep losing. Teams that are stuck in a losing trend often times adopt what I call a "totally cracked-out" method of managing. They do everything within their power to shake things up and be different, hoping that one of the new variations will lead to not being bad. It's what the SF Giants have done the last few terrible seasons, and a little this season, with their sub-par batting order. They move it around so much that no one ever gets a consistent spot and the batting stays bad. It's what the Clippers have done with trades, giving up necessary pieces for appealing pieces and finding themselves no better off than before the trade. It's hard to blame these teams, the fan base would flip if they didn't try to do something. But the manic player shuffle doesn't work very often. A better option is to DRAFT AARON ROGERS. Or just let Frank Gore line up as QB so we can run that wacky Wildcat formation and make cool videos like this.

In short, I'd like to see the guy with a winning record play. But I don't know as much as the guys inside the 49er organization (right? RIGHT??). So pick a guy, SF, let us know who it's gonna be, and then we can all start hoping you didn't blow it. Again.