SF Giants: Under(Dog)mining Themselves

If you want to talk about a team undermining their own accomplishments, you're not going to find a better picture than this shot of Barry Zito, who's pitching really well this year, but apparently accepted the position of Captain on the Douche Squad. Not totally relevant, but f*** me, that's a boner of a photo.

The Giants started out the season 6-1 or something awesome. Then they stopped hitting the baseball and lost a few. Won a few, lost some, did little more than watch the Padres play around them and now find themselves in 3rd or 4th place in a so-so division. Perhaps the saddest part is that it's hard to complain this year because we're actually above .500. Currently.

Why is he leaning on a guitar? Jesus.

Anyway, it's been more of the same with the Giants for so long (top notch pitching, nauseatingly bad hitting) that it's not so much a problem anymore, it's a style of play. It's an identity. They are the team that pitches lights out and averages 4 hits a game. It's part of the game plan, it dictates the order of the lineup, and probably has reached the point where they won't draft hitters. They will avoid signing a big bat for the next few years so that they don't lose their flow. Their shitty, incapable, offensively-dwarfed flow. Also, they need guys that can sing along while Zito plays the acoustic version of "Layla" in the locker room. Does he even play the guitar?

I mean, we just signed Pat Burrell. And I'm sort of excited about it, which is gross. When another team releases a guy because he's old and not producing and then your team signs him, you shouldn't be thrilled. But that's the Giants' version of bringing in a "bat," a guy that can hit homers sometimes but most of the time will not but the "threat" is there. Hey, Giants? Until he hits his 2nd homerun with the club, the "Burrell Threat" is going to stay at really light yellow. Meanwhile, Buster "The Lord Our God" Posey is batting, like, .900 and has about 3 RBIs because there's never anyone on base ahead of him.

Long and short of it, when your pitcher only gives up one or two runs, you should feel good about your chances of winning, and I don't. When the first two batters of an inning reach base, you shouldn't think, "these guys are not making it home," and that's my immediate thought. And when you have men on 2nd ad 3rd with one out, it shouldn't be possible for your leading RBI man Juan Uribe to hit into a double play, and yet it's oddly expected. But, to be fair, it can be distracting when the count is 2-2 and you hear Barry Mraz Zito tuning his axe in the dugout. His hair is really perfectly wind-blown in the picture.

Underacheiver: Jason Schmidt

"Hey, how's that huge contract with Zito working out? Hey, Zito still making $126 million to sit in
the bullpen? Hey, Giants still sucking while Zito sucks you dry?"

HEY DODGER FANS, HOW'D THAT 3 YEAR, $47 MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT WITH SCHMIDT WORK OUT? FEEL LIKE HIS 3-8 RECORD AND 2 YEARS ON THE DL WAS WORTH THE BUY? HAPPY YOU STOLE HIM FROM US NOW?

Oh man. I am the bitterest. I hate that I'm writing this because I used to be such a Jason Schmidt fan. You know, before he became evil and then karma ate his arm muscles.

For those of you unaware, it's looking more and more like 36 year-old Jason Schmidt's career might be over. He signed with the Dodgers in December of 2006, pitched a few so-so games, and then had been injured for over two years before coming back to play four games this season and then again doing something screwy to his shoulder and heading back to the DL. As much as I hate the Dodgers, and I hate them with all my available hatred, it's pretty sad to see a guy's career go down the tubes like this.

But then again, it makes me feel SO much better about my Barry Zito situation. Zito signed with the Giants for an infinite amount of money for 6 or 7 years (I can't remember the length of the contract because after his first two God-awful seasons I was sure he'd be murdered before the contract expired) and now, in his third year in SF, he might have his first winning season with the club. His game has changed a little, he's a lot more consistent, and while he still isn't worth the contract he signed (no one is worth the contract he signed), it doesn't look like the assassination is going to happen. So to have Zito playing well as Schmidt sails into oblivion is grossly satisfying. It's going to make it that much sweeter when I wear my Jason Schmidt Giants jersey to Dodger Stadium. As Dodger fans shank me and call me names, I'll know it was right not to re-sign Schmidt.

It's been quite a roller coaster with these guys. While the Giants initially crippled themselves hugely with Zito's contract, the Dodgers signed Schmidt to a very reasonable and respectable deal. Now, however, we find the Giants with a far better pitching situation than the Dodgers, and a measly 7 games back in the NL West. So, from my perspective, looking through a very small window and only from a certain angle and only when it's dark, and it helps that I'm not wearing my glasses, and I just went swimming in a really chlorinated pool and I didn't have goggles, it looks like the Giants really came out ahead on this one. They're probably gonna win the World Series. That's just the way things seem to lining up right now. And you can bet that Dodger fans will look back on Schmidt's fall from grace and that 2006 trade and think, "We are just a dumb bunch of idiot jerks who make terrible decisions and do terrible things and should not be allowed in bars or out after 8pm. We're just awful." And Giants fans will think, "Yup, you guys are simply the worst kind of people. Terrifically horrible." And Barry Zito will be the World Series MVP. And the Golden State Warriors are going to the playoffs next year. And everyone agrees on health care reform. And lots of people are reading this post. Glorious.