Michael Crabtree Holdout: UnderTheBridge

Well done, Michael. You've made my previous post obsolete and I applaud you.

Who knew he was so charming? Who knew he could be so humble? Who knew as soon as he signed I would eat everything I had said and bathe myself in the waters of hypocrisy? Eh, no one knew, no one reads this stuff.

I made three claims in my "I Hate Michael Crabtree" post that is now even less valid than my "Brett Favre Won't be Good" post. Thank God I don't claim to know stuff about sports. Anyway, I said that the 49ers would not sign him and that's the wrongest thing I said. Then I claimed he wouldn't play, and that will prove to be wholly false on October 25th. Lastly, I stated that he will suck. Now, and very unfortunately for me and the rest of the 9er nation (note the ass-pat in that photo), this is my only prediction that could hold water. And I really don't want it to because I bought six Crabtree jerseys the morning after he signed.

I got a lot of congratulation calls after he officially ended his holdout. People seemed so excited for me and I couldn't figure out why. I guess this whole Crabtree saga has put it in all of our minds that he's awesome. No other reason a guy doesn't get signed until October. Right, JaMarcus Russell? I loved Crabtree in college. I hoped against hope that we would draft him. But for every awesome college player that really shows up in the NFL, there are at least two that don't. So, yeah, I'm excited that he signed because we really need a good receiver. I just hope he's a good receiver. And now I'm trying to think back to whether it was clairvoyance or alcohol that made me write he'll suck.

Bottom line, we all love our teams and we'll forgive a lot if it means we might win more games. I've really starting buying in to all the "his agent made him hold out" talk. That's a much nicer story. But I could totally go back to calling him a butthole if he sucks. I may be in your corner now, Mr. Crabtree, but if you're not careful I'll go right back to the lonely corner I was in earlier where I sneer and curse people under my breath. Please don't make me go back. Please just take me to the Superbowl.